Pretty Funny


The Miss America Pageant has crowned a new winner…SPOILER ALERT it wasn’t me, I know, I was robbed again!  The big news I kept hearing was that one of the contestants would be doing stand-up comedy as their talent.  Apparently this was news.  A beauty pageant contestant that could be funny…it’s so new and original…NOT!  Clearly no one paid attention to the Miss Massachusetts-USA pageant in 2006.


Now I did not perform stand-up as my talent because in the Miss USA pageants there is no talent category.  Which if it is a “beauty” pageant why would they?  When picking meat at a market you don’t ask a cut of beef to sing you an Aria (although maybe you do, no judgments).

I had butt glue on my boobs to keep them in place...that's kind of comedy

I had butt glue on my boobs to keep them in place…that’s kind of comedy

I didn’t place in my pageant which I like to think is because I have beauty that isn’t appreciated in its own time.  I don’t know what that means, but it helps keep me from feeling like a troll.  The pageant I was in clearly just preferred brunettes.  Of course, so did my boyfriend at the time, so let’s just say it was a rough time for me.  However, no matter how rough the road, I had stand-up, and that always seemed to get me through.

Actually, while I was at the pageant, I looked like I fit in with all of the former high school cheerleaders and popular girls, but as a former fat girl who ate lunch by herself and was always picked last at gym (and for prom, dates, and generally everything) I just didn’t feel like I belonged.  But after the pageant, I went to a comedy open mic, still in my pageant hair and makeup, and I SOOO didn’t look like I fit in, but I felt like I was home.  So any time I feel lost, I click my heels (preferably stilettos with rhinestones) together and say, “There’s no place like a comedy show.”

Because I may not be the most beautiful girl in the world, or the funniest girl in the world, but if they ever had a beauty pageant where contestants were judged based on both beauty and comedy, I’m pretty sure I could hold my own!

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